Sign In Sign-Up

Welcome!

Close

Would you like to make this site your homepage? It's fast and easy...

Yes, Please make this my home page!

No Thanks

  Don't show this to me again.

Close

The first time I found out that Patty had ovarion cancer, was when I was at work, and recieved a call from Ramona. At first I wanted to say that she was wrong,and it wasn't true. Deep down, I knew that it was true, and that it was time for me to face up to the fact, that we were in for the fight of our life. Our little girl was going to need us more than she had ever needed anyone. She was going to have to use all her strength to battle a terrible disease, which had no boundries. Cancer had taken its toll on my family, and now it had struck at someone in our imediate family. I sometimes want to ask God why but I know that I can't, and we have to pray to him to get him to change his mind.While at the hospital, and being with Patty, I met many people who were going the same thing we were. They had loved ones there , who had been hit with this terrible disease, and we saw most of them taken out on the stretcher, with the family in tears. All this time we believed that we would walk out, and beat this terrible cancer. Patty and I had several things we would do, when I had to leave. As I got ready to leave, we would press our closed fists together, and say fight. We would never say goodbye. Instead we would say, "see you later". We had several pacts together, and one of them was that whichever one of us went first, and saw the light, that that person would smile. We also agreed that when we beat the cancer, she would walk the victory walk, all around the hall of the fourth floor.

We met several people that made an impact in our lives, and helped Patty during her stay there. One was Sister Clorisse, who made it a point of stopping at Patty's room and talking ,and praying with her. She was a blessing to all of us during this rough time in our life. She tooked Patty into her heart, and was there anytime she needed her. The rest of them were the nurses, and aides, as well as the housekeeping people. All of them on that floor were very helpfull to us and to Patty. Surely this was the "Floor of Angels"

Patty had a very rough time during her illness. She had problems with her stomach and said that it hurt bad. She wasn't able to move her bowels much, and this caused her pain also. So the doctor told her that he would have to open her up, and see what the problem was. She had surgery that evening, and everyone was there, for support to us and to Patty. She was in surgery for about two hours, and while in recovery, the doctor came down to talk to us. He sat down and starred at the floor, for several minutes, and looked up. I could see that he was trying to come up with the right way of telling us. He then told us that when he opened her up and saw the mass of cancerous tumor, he decided not to touch it. He said that if he cut into it, that it would spread very fast and she probaly wouldn't survive the operation. He said that we better prepare for the worst, and be there for her,for what time she had left. This was the first time that I had thoughts that we were going to lose our little girl. Up to this time I thought that we would beat it. So when she came down on the elevator, John, Johnny, and I went to the room with her. As we got on the elevator, I tried to hide the tears, but it didn't work. Patty looked at each one of us, and starred at me all the way up to her room. She said,"it's bad news, isn't it daddy?". I told her that we still weren't giving up, and even though, it looked bad, that we had to fight as hard as we can. I told her that all of us would be there for her, and that she wouldn't be alone. That was when John and I started to spend the nights with her. Up to this time, she would call us on the phone, when she couldn't sleep. She would first call John, and then call me. I looked forward to these calls each night. Usually she was just lonely, and couldn't sleep. But she was also scared, and talking to John and me helped her through some very rough nights. When the phone rang at night, I knew who it was. The sweetest voice ever would say, "hi daddy, I can't sleep". We would talk for just a little while, and then she would say that she was tired and would try to rest. It got to be sort of a ritual each night, and I think it helped me get through this very trying time of my life. Ramona and I would lay there, talking and trying not to get too scared. But I know that both of us were afraid that we might lose our little girl to cancer.

Ramona tried to stay strong through all this time. She used her faith to help her endure this terrible time, and we together had to stay strong for Patty. Prior to finding out about the cancer, Ramona had went through part of her change of life, and had a couple of breakdowns. But she knew that she had to be there for Patty. She was a big help to me too. Our love for each other, and for our two daughtors, kept us going. I was blessed with having a good wife, and we were blessed with two beautiful girls. While the girls were growing up, they and we were blessed with having a boy in the house to love. We had Johnny from day one, and our home was filled with two sisters, and three youngsters, who loved each other very much.When you saw one, you saw them all. I had to work to feed and clothed them, so I really didn't get to spend a lot of good quality time with them. But Ramona was there all the time, and she had Mary there to help her. The bond between mother and child, is an automatic one. From the time of conception, to the time of birth, the mother is the only link to the outside world. And for many years after, the mother is the driving force in the maturing of that child. Ramona was the best mother that Deborah and Patricia could ever have. Mary was the best mother that Johnny could ever have. Together they did a great job of raising three good kids. That was a blessing to me, because I didn't have to worry about any of them. All I had to do was to give them a place to live, and food in their stomachs,and clothes to wear. I hope that I did a good job of that.

Deborah was a great help to Patty, both before and after Patty found out about the cancer. She was always there with her sister, and their love for each other, was very strong. They were always the best of friends, and they always did things together. When we found out about the cancer, Debbie was the one to take charge of the children. She had to be strong and be there for her sister. When Patty couldn't do for the kids, Debbie would take over. In the next five months that Patty would be on this earth, Debbie was there as a sister, a best friend, and a temporary mother. I think she did a great job, and Patty during our nights together, would always say that she was glad she had Debbie there to help her. Debbie tried to hold back on emotions, but you could see that she was hurting bad. She could lose the one person in her life who was always there for her. She never failed to show her love for Patty, and for Amanda and Matt.

I think that having Johnny here during the time that Patty was sick, was a big help for all of us. Debbie, Patty, and Johnny were as close as a family could be. They all loved each other, and were there for each other. I remember when Johnny was over in another country, Patty and Debbie, would worry about his safety, and would be so happy to hear from him, and when he would come home, they were together as much as possible. When they heard that he was coming home to stay, they were glad. This meant that he and Andrea would be here for them to see anytime. Andrea is a very pretty woman, and is an educated person that would be able to make whatever adjustment, she had to for any type of employment she might want to get. We all think that he made a good choice for a wife. Johnny and Andrea were blessed with the birth of a son named Christhopher who was born in Germany , and will be strong man when he grows up. He will be able to speak German and English, which will be a big asset to him. I hope he will get in sports, so that Johnny and I will have someone to cheer about. All three make a good family, and I know that Mary is very proud of them. I know that we are, and I know that Patty loved them very much too. All of the above people mentioned, were part of the original family that Patty had. She loved them all , and they were all close. Patty had two close friends, who were with her in the hospital, as much as possible. I like to think of them as family, because they were there for Patty, and for us too. They were Phil and Tammy , and I could tell that they loved Patty so much, and were going to be there for Patty whenever she needed them. Friends are forever , and they are friends and family.

Now we come to the two children she had. Patty was blessed with a daughtor named Amanda Rae, and a son named Matthew George Thomas. Amanda was the first, and we all were so proud of her. Patty named her after a lady who was like family to us, and who owned the house where we lived when Patty was born. We all called her Mandy, and she was the first to hold Patty, when we got her home. She was always there for us if we needed her. Amanda also was named after me, with a different spelling. I remember when we brought Amanda home from the hospital, and watching the proud looks on her mom's and her dad's faces. They were so proud of her, and so were we. The bond between Patty and Amanda was very strong, like mother and daughtor should be, and was that way, till the day that Patty passed on. When Matt was born, that made their family complete. I remember when Matt was born, Patty had a little rough time, and Matt showed that he was going to be a strong young man one day, both in strength and mind. Daddy and Mommy were so happy, and so were we as grandparents. I know that it had to be an awfull time in Mandy'a and Matt's young life, to have the fear of losing their mother. Being without her would be a heavy load on their shoulders, and they would need the help of everyone to get them through. I must say that they carried this heavy load with great strength, and they were there for their mother, when she needed them. I think that Matt sort of put himself in denial in order to fight it, but toward the end, he showed that he was very worried. Mandy was able to dicuss it with Debbie and John, and showed great control of her feelings. I am proud of the way that they showed their love for Patty. I guess that until we are sick, we are not sure just how much we are loved. Patty found out that she had the love from everyone in the family, and a countless number of friends.

After Patty started healing from the exploratory surgery, she continued to be treated with chemo-therapy, and we were not going to give up. We still believed in a miracle, and we would fight as hard as we could, until it came. One day she was moved to another room, and that scared her. She thought that this room was only for the patients that were going to die. We told her that it was only so that the nurses could keep a closer eye on her. That night John started to stay some nights with her, and I know that this helped her very much. But then a few days later, I received a call from Ronnie, the nurse, telling me to get out there fast. She said that the doctor had come in and told Patty that things didn't look good for her, and she could die from the cancer. While Ronnie was telling me this, I could hear Patty crying in the background, and she was saying "I want my daddy, please call my daddy". Ramona and I rushed out there to be with our little one, and Debbie wasn't too far behind. Patty was in a very poor state of mind and rightfully so. We started to call our family, and let them know that things were not good. In the meantime I talked with Ken Byland and told him she needed him more than ever now. He told me that he would be there for her and all the rest of us too.

One night, while staying with Patty, and talking about God,and all his beautiful sights, I asked her if she had ever taken the time to watch it in action? She asked me what I meant, and so I told her about when I worked the nights at the mill, and it got toward morning, you could stand toward the east, and watch the sunrise emerging from the darkness. I told her that this morning, we were going to watch one of the most beautiful sights in the whole universe. Toward morning, we sat on the bed, and watch through the window, while it was still dark, and waited for the sun to come up.Patty was amazed at the transformation of dark into light. She said that going to work, she saw the sunrise, but never really took a good look at it.The darkness would change gradually, and the many colors that you see, during this time, are very pretty.We watched the colors, and then watched the whole lighting of the sky. It is about the most beautiful sight you will ever see.We did this each morning that I was there, and Patty would ask the nurses to set her up to watch on the other days. One morning, I asked her if she knew what I was trying to tell her? She said that she did and that she understood. She said that no matter how dark things seem to be, it will get brighter. I was very happy, and proud of this little girl.

A few days later, the doctor came in to see Patty, and ask her what she thought about starting the new Taxol on her and she told him that she wasn't giving up without a fight. She told him not to give up on her either, and he said that he wasn't giving up. So they decided that two days later, they would start the taxol. We had heard about this drug and maybe this could be the one to cure her. The day that she was to start the taxol, we were there early, and all in the room with her. She told me that she was afraid that her stitches were tearing, and would I check it out. Up to this time, her stomach area was swollen, and I just thought that maybe this was her problem. So I asked her to pull back her gown and I would see if the stitches were tearing. When I looked at her stomach, I was amazed at what I thought I saw. Patty asked me if the stitches were ripping and I told her no, and I went back and asked Ramona to look at Patty's stomach, and tell me what she saw. She looked and then camed back, and said that it looked like the swelling had went down some. I told her that it had went down a lot and I thought we were getting the miracle we were waiting on. I truly believe that God had started this miracle to give Patty more time on this earth. We hadn't even started the taxol, and we had more hope for our little girl's recovery.We were amazed to see the improvement that happened overnight.

At the end of that week Patty was preparing to go home. She still had cancer, but we didn't think that we would be able to take her home, for quite some time. Even the doctor was very amazed and he left her room with a smile, and the nurses said that they didn't see that Dr. smile much.The day that Patty went home, was a very happy one, not only for her, and us, but also for everyone on the staff on the floor. I told Patty that she had to keep her promise, that she would walk the victory walk around the floor hallway. She said she would, and she not only walked it, but did it twice, and with the proudest smile on her face. The nurses were all giving her hugs and kisses, and letting her know that they were proud of her too.

I remember the day that Patty went home. Ramona and I were there, along with Mandy and Matt. John and Debbie were there too. As Patty left, she was hugged and kissed by all the nurses and the aides, and by the housekeeping crew that was there. I could see the big grin on her face, and a little tear in her eye. She was so happy to be going home. We all were happy for her, because there were times, when we didn't know if she would ever be able to go home. But you can't give up on someone, just because the odds are against her to get well.Patty could see the love that all of us had for her, and the smile on her face told us that she loved us too. The days that she was home, was limited to just a few, because she still had some problems with her bowells. I got a call one night at work, from Ramona, saying she wasn't doing too good, and we might have to take her back to get her checked. So I went over to the house after work, and talked to her . I could see that she was in great pain, but undecided on whether she should go back in to the hospital. The hospital was called, and we were told that it would be better if we brought her in as soon as we could. She was admitted back in, and was there, until thanksgiving, when they allowed her to go home, once more to be with the family.On the sunday, following thanksgiving, we took Patty back to the hospital, and she asked me to stay that night with her. Jeanie was there to be her nurse.. I could see that Patty was very comfortable with her, and I knew that it was the right thing to bring her back.

After the nurses left, Patty looked over to me, and said "well, I didn't stay home very long, did I?" I told her that she did ok, and we were sorry that we weren't able to take care of her at home. She said that we did our best, and that she was proud of us for trying. She told me that she was glad that I was staying with her that night, and I told her that someone would be with her from now on , just like it would be at home. . We didn't get any sleep that night. We talked about many things, most of which were about what if she didn't make it. What would happen to the kids, and would we be there for them?. I told her that her children would always have mom and dad, Debbie and John there anytime they needed us. I made a promise to her that flowers would be placed at her grave, and I also promised her to read The Twenty-Third Psalm to her, on the day that I was sure that she wasn't going to make it. This was to be my way of giving her back to God. I made these promises to her out of love for her, even though I hoped that she would be with us for a long time. We had talked in the early stages of her illness, that God had sent Debbie and her to us, as angels, and one day he will call them home. We like to think that this won't happen, until after we are gone, but we can't question him, when he makes that decision.

I decided to ask for a leave of absence from work, so that I could be with Patty, until the end. I wasn't giving up on her, because I still believed in another miracle. Just maybe God wasn't ready for her, and she still had a lot of time left. She had some radiation done, and the hope was still there .But one day the doctor came to the room and told us that he couldn't do any more. He said that the tumors in her colon were like rocks, and any more radiation would be very uncomfortable for her, and wouldn't help her. I. He said with tears in his eyes that it was up to God now. He said that this was the hardest part of his job, to watch someone die. He told me that Patty was very fortunate to have all the family she had, and that many patients die alone, without friends or family. He told me that he never gave up on Patty, and she never gave up on him. That morning I went down to make sure that the staff had marked the book with the death request 2 that meant that whenever that time come, that there was no more chance to make it, that no life-support would be hooked up. That was a very hard thing for me to do, but it was Patty's wish that I promise it would be done.Our word each day was to fight as hard as you can and not give up. I remember one day toward the last that Patty raised her arms up to speak, out of a deep sleep, and looked striaght at us and said with one clenched fist high with this word "fight". Then she went back to sleep. She was telling us not to give up. Here was a young lady, who was in her last days, worried about her her family who she loved very much. I was so proud of her.

About three days, before her death, Patty came out of her deep sleep, and looked into my eyes, and asked me, "daddy, how do I do it?". I asked her "how do you do what?" She asked, "how do I die?". I then answered, " I can't tell you that, only God can answer that question". She then went back to sleep for about twenty minutes, and then came awake, and said, "he said he doesn't know". I then said to her, "well honey, what he is trying to tell you, is that when it is time, you will know, and that is the time to just let go".She was content with that answer, and she went back to sleep.

Life is a thing that we all take for granted. We know that we are born, and we know that we will die. We don't have any say in the length of that time. We can only make the most of it, and do the best we can to leave a lasting memory to those who follow us. Sometimes we don't have enough time to do all the things we would like to do. Sometimes our children are called home before us. We can't question that decision. We use the memory of that child's time here as a reason to keep going. When we are born, the one that is given the responsibility of nurturing us is the mother. She is the one that you go to, when you are hurt, or you are unhappy. She is the one who soothes you and makes you feel better, and feel safe. In the last week I noticed that Patty would look to her mother for that care. She went from calling her mom, to calling her mommie. This tells me that as she lost her strength, and got closer to her time to leave, that time went in reverse for her . She left like she came. The love and closness of mother and child was the most important to both of them. This was a most gratifing thing for me to see.

One other thing that Patty loved was songs that she shared with John. It was only fitting that in her last week with us, she would be able to listen to her favorites. So while she would be in her deep sleep, John would play those songs on the cassette, by her bed. We watched her as she lay there, and she would start to move her eyelids, and then open them, and we knew that she heard them.The last three days were rough ones. Each time that they thought that she wouldn't survive that day, she proved them wrong. The family, all of them, would rush to her bedside, each time, but she wouldn't give up. Three times, we would call all of them in and each time she would improve a little. This was a fighter, that wasn't giving up.

One night Jeanie came in and asked if we would like to cuddle with Patty, and we said yes. They then moved Patty over to one side, with the tubes out of the way, and told us we could lay with her as long as we wanted to. Ramona laid down beside her, for awhile and got up to let me do the same. I laid down beside my little girl, and put my arms around her, and cuddled with her. Even though she was in her deep sleep, I believe that she knew that mommy and daddy was there beside her, and everything was alright. That next day was our last one with Patty. All of her family was there with her that day. At eight oclock that evening, Patty took her last breath, and God sent his angels to take her home. I like to tell everyone that on that night, Patricia Ann Day-Englert, left the floor of angels to be one. She will always be in my heart, and in my thoughts. God gave her to us for thirty-four years to love, and now he has called her home.The one thing most in my heart is to know that Patty is ok. I know that she is in God's hands, and because I saw her smile on the last day, I know that she saw the light, and we will see her again. As long as I live, I will remember the sweetest words that a father can hear. " I love you daddy".

Patty's visitation at the funeral home was one of the most amazing that I have ever witnessed. The great amount of friends that she had was very evident. The room was filled, and there was a line that would't stop all evening. We had pictures everywhere, so that her pretty smile would be seen at every angle. I had friends show up that I hadn't seen in several years. Our family had all their friends there too. Surely this little girl was shown the love that everyone had for her. As a father, I was very proud. Though we were sad at losing her, it was very gratifying to know that she and we were in the thoughts of others. Many times we always see only the bad in people. Today we saw only good,and love.
The funeral was very hard on all of us. . We did the best we could that day, and we thanked all those good friends that came to pay their respects to Patty. She was buried in Memorial Park Cemetary, and we miss her so much.

This short story about Patricia Ann was written by me, her father, using what I remember as to how it happened, and using my own personal thoughts. I will always miss this young lady, who God gave to us, and called back home. I may not be able to keep all the promises that I made to her, but I won't give up trying. The people in this story all loved her very much, and she loved them too. Each one of us has to carry our loss in our own way. All of us need each other, and I know that we will be there for each other.

One thing that was not mentioned before now was that Ramona and I had brought a little stuffed doggie to Patty, on the first day of chemo, so that she might have something to hold onto, when times get too hard to endure. I told her that whenever I couldn,t be there with her, that she should hold onto that little dog, and use it for that little bit of security that everyone needs, once in awhile. She said that maybe we slould give it a name, and that since it was there in place of me that we should name it "Little Ray". Then her good friend later told her that she should hold onto it for that little bit of hope. So that little doggie was called "Little Ray Of Hope" from then on, and she had it by her bed within reach at all times. The nurses and aides always made sure that they put it back close to her. The last two months, she always had her hand on it, and when she passed on, it was in her hand . She never gave up on that "Little Ray Of Hope", and we didn,t either. Everyone has to have hope, and you have to believe in a miracle. It can happen, if you believe.

 
 

2-26-97. On this day as I sit here, reading this story, I reflect on how long it has been since Patricia left, and yet it seems like only yesterday. I still see her sweet face, in each room of our house, and I thank God for letting Ramona and Deborah and me enjoy her presence for 34 years.Her picture will go in the Tribune on friday 2-28-97 to remember her birthday on 2-29-97.

Patty so loved flowers and all pretty things of nature, and we saw her as the prettiest one around. "MY THOUGHTS ABOUT PATTY"

We visited Patty's gravesite several times that first year and we wanted to put a cross down as her marker until one could be placed there. Each time flowers were put dow or the cross placed I was told to take it down and take up the flowers. . At that time the mamager of the cemetary didn't want his area looking like a circus area and you could only put pots on the ground next to the grave. That made it hard on me because I promised my little girl that she would have flowers planted in the ground , and she knew I would get it done. So for over 2 years I fought tooth and nail with them and we finally were able to do so because of the people who have their home office in Houstion Texas, who gave me the right to do it and also to have a memorial to Patricia as a dedication to the cancer society.

6-11-97 On this great day, Patty's wish was fulfilled. We are allowed to plant the flowers in front of the marker, with a barrier between them and the mowing area. We also on this day, dedicated a memorial to her at this same cemetary. From now on you can enter the gates and visit the" Patricia Ann Garden Of Love", which is full of pretty plants and is the location of a plaque, with her picture in bronze. We are so happy to finally fulfill our dream. And we thank the cemetary officials for letting this happen. Also we thank "Annie Ronk" for all the work she did to help us in this task. God does send down his angels to help you when you ask for his help.

9-14-97 On this day, I look back to the time when our family would be together, and I remember the joy that we had. Our family was close-nit, and any thing we did was voted on. Sometimes, one of us didn,t get our way, but that was part of life as we knew it. A family that sticks together, will always be together, no matter what happens. Anything we do now is with Patricia in our thoughts. Life goes on, but you don,t forget. Not a day goes by, that Patricia,s name isn,t spoken. Just because someone dear has left this life, doesn,t mean that you forget them. God gave all of us the power of love, and he gave it from his heart, so that we may pass it on to all. Patricia was always full of love for everyone she met, from day # 1, and she gave of this love to us and to her two children. In three months, she will have been home with God, for three years. We will see her again.

12-14-97 It has been three years , since Patty left us to be with God. Today, her picture was in the memorial section of the Kokomo Tribune, with these words. Promise made, Promise kept; your fight against cancer still lives via the Patricia Ann Garden Of Love, in the Kokomo Memorial Cemetary.{ I, her father made a promise to my little girl that she would have flowers planted on her grave, each year, even though that the rules were changed and we were forbidden to do so. God gave me the strength to follow through on my promise, and today we have that right.}.Rest, my little one, until we see each other again.

02-28-98
Today, the last day of February, is when we celebrate the birth of Patricia, when there isn't a 29th. On the way to work, I stopped at the cemetary, and I stood at the memorial, in The "Patricia Ann Garden Of Love", and I saw new growth, sprouting up from the ground. This winter has been very mild and so there are plants coming up early. I then went to her gravesite and I said my usual hello to my youngest who has gone home. I am not ashamed to say that I cry when I visit her grave, because I loved that little one. She will always be in my heart as her sister Deborah is. I was very fortunate to have been a father to two great ladies. I never stop talking to Deborah without saying I love you. Life is so short , and yet it is an eternity.

05-31-98As this year approaches the halfway point, I look back and I think about what I can accomplish by this page dedicated to Patricia. And I see all the good that it has done in that it has helped many other people who either have cancer or those who are the survivors. Cancer can be defeated, so if you have it, then fight with all your might and your faith to take it down. If you have beaten it, then go out and help others. Give of yourselves so that others might live. Ask God for all the help that you know he will give. Talk about it. Don't let it swell from within. There are those out there who will listen and want to help. I am here and I will help you. All you have to do is ask. The memorial of Patricia Ann can be viewed at Memorial Park Cemetary in Kokomo, Indiana, and it is there to fight cancer. Please keep Patricia Ann's fight against cancer alive.

6-1-99; We just got back from Texas, where we went to see Amanda,[Patty's daughter] graduate from high school. I had promised Patricia that no matter what, I would see Amanda graduate, so another promise was kept. I know that Patricia would be pleased with how her daughter turned out. We visited Patricia's gravesite and also the "Garden of Love", which is looking great. So many people stop by and tell us that they are so happy for us to be able to have something to remember her by. Our hope is all those people do what they can to help fight the battle against cancer. I hope to help them defeat cancer in my lifetime.

12-14-99; It has been five years, since Patricia went home, and the time without her has started to be a lot easier to bear. I know that she is safe in the arms of our creator, and that one day we will meet again. You learn to cope with the loss , but you never forget. Now, when I see pictures of her, they bring back memories of all the good times we had together. There are still some tears, that come forth, but they are not of sorrow, but of feelings of emotion, that all parents will feel. They are of love for your children. I talk about her all the time, instead of holding it inside where it does no good. We will see one another again.

03-18-2000
It has been a rough time this year due to the fact that Patty would of been 10 birthdays and 40 years old, had she lived. We were not able to spend that glorious time with her, but her memory lives on. I hope that this year, I do not have to endure any problems with the cemetary officials over the memorial that we have for Patty. Last year they wanted to keep me from cleaning up the grounds around the flower garden, even though they do not make the effort to keep it looking nice. I had to sign a legal paper that would keep me from any suits, should I get hurt while cleaning it up. There has always been some hard feelings about the way that I had to go through getting the right to plant flowers at my daughters gravesite. The people that actually own the whole thing, and are based in Houston Texas, have been great to work with, but the people here are still bitter. I guess that you have to take the sweets with the bitters. We will dress up the "Garden Of Love" this year in memory of all those who have passed away because of cancer. That is what it is for. To remember and to donate to the cancer society.

11-12-2000
I take a little time today to enter my thoughts about our loss. Really in a sense we have not loss our child , but instead we have an Angel in Heaven waiting for us to come Home to her. It is a little easier now on this old man, because I have accepted what has happened and I know that she is safe in the arms of The Great Father.

3-4-2001

February has passed and this was one of those years when Patricia didn't have a birthday because there wasn't any 29th. We miss her all the same, and so placed the memorial in the paper on the 28th. It is a little easier to cope with our loss, and I feel that my time is getting closer because I am so tired and weary all the time. Soon I will once again meet up with Patricia in the Promise Land. We have to wait until God calls for me.

4-20-2002

It has been over one year since my last entry on this page. I guess that means I have adjusted well to our loss. Soon it will be time to go and fix up her grave and The Garden of Love with the flowers that she asked for and I was finally able to honor her wish. Many times, I have heard people say that they had read this story and that it helped them to adjust to whatever problems they had in life. So if this story of one of the bravest ladies I have ever known does some good for those who have cancer or those who are left behind because thier loved one had it, then life for me has been a very rewarding asset. As I sit here and write, I feel her presence as she is looking over my shoulder and saying "well done, daddy"

May 18, 2003

Another year has gone by since my last entry here and the sorrow of losing Patricia still lingers in my heart but as time heals that wound, my work on "The Garden Of Love" there at the cemetary keeps me busy and it gives me a place to go just to vent my saddness. Patricia loved flowers and this year we have done a little changing there at the memorial. There are two marble seats to sit on so that those who visit there can use them to rest or to just do some heavy remembering of thier loved ones. we placed fifty new plants there and this weekend I will place the flags around it. The plaque with her picture on it has a new coating on it.I know that she is there in God's Hands now and that soothes the pain.

December 25, 2003.

We have another Christmas without our daughter being with us in life, but she still is there in our hearts as we try to make this Christmas a joyful one. You can't even express yourself in words on how it hurts so much that she has passed away but just knowing where she is and that we one day will be received by our Father with her in attendance, waiting with open arms and still with that pretty smile that we miss so much. The cemetary officials have decided to try and re-work the "Garden Of Love" so that there won't be as much upkeep on it. One day I will be here no more having my Father call me home and this way the memorial will look nice for a long time. I can't sit here and write without the tears falling and that is because I love her so much and I miss her more each day. But life as it is goes on and you try to maintain the usual daily happenings as they come and go. This story that has been written by me for all to see has done it's part in telling those who are left heartbroken by the loss, that they are not alone and that they can remember all the good parts of their lives with their love ones.

February 29th, 2004.

Today is Patricia's birthday. It only comes once every four years because of it being Leap Year.Actually she would be 44 years old. That sort of makes her a little special because God chose to send her to us on that date. Sometimes we wonder just how would she look today and how she would feel knowing that her children turned out to be very special too. Amanda is studying nursing and Matt is finishing up high school and working at Sears at the same time. We know that she would be proud to say they were hers. At times we sit all alone in our recliners and it seems that everything you see and hear reminds you of Patricia. It hurts a lot to know that we didn't have the last almost ten years to spend with her. But God knows best about theses things and He called her Home to spend eternity with Him.Life goes on and memories of the loved ones stay within the hearts of those who loved her.

December 14, 2004.

Today it is 10 years since that evening that Patricia was called HOME. It is a little easier for me to write this because I know where she is and that I will be seeing her again. Life without her at this time of the year is hard to describe but it has a feeling of not having what was ours for 34 years. Life has to go on and the way to do it is to remember all the good times we had together. She is and always will be that link of the chain missed by all.

Feb.28, 2005
Today we sat and talked about Patty and how since this year has no 29th, then today would serve as her birthday until there is a Feb. 29th on leap year. The family and friends help us a lot in our memories of Patty and we laugh at the funny things that happened when she was around. Patty could get you to laugh on your death bed and she could leave you with a lot of glee . We miss her very much and sometimes this old man gets off to myself and let the teardrops fall. It soon will be time to go and fix up her grave with pretty flowers which was one of the promises that I made to her. Keep the growing plants on her grave site. I don't know who will do it when we are gone but I feel that someone will. Lord, I miss her.
December 20, 2005
I went by the cemetary today to check out how the memorial was and to see if any cleanup was needed to keep it clean. You just can't go by there and not stop because it is very hard to drive when your eyes are full of tears. I stopped at the grave of our young angel and you could feel an inner peace with the world and that is the way that God wants it to be. Patty is in a place so longed for by many when they pass on. You can't ask why she was taken but you still have the tears flowing by her loss. The rest of the drive home was peaceful and the wind was blowing in a soft way that seemed to be our little angel saying I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD. I said out loud right there on the bypass, WE LOVE YOU TOO PATTY.
 

May 27, 2006
With only 2 days left before Memorial Day, I went to the cemetary to put up the hanging baskets on Patty's grave and also both sets of our parents, plus Grandmother Day and our Brother Ernie. I did them first and then headed down to Crown point to put baskets on brother Bob and wife Willadean and also sister Deloris. I then went back to Kokomo Memorial Cemetary to dress up Patricia's grave site and check on the Patricia Ann Garden Of Love Memorial there too. I placed new plants in the boxes in front of the gravesite and I felt an inner peace while on my knees. Being able to go there anytime I want to and just feel the love of that young lady that we had for 34 years , makes all the rest of my time here on earth livable. I don't mind telling you that I do a lot of talking at that grave even though no voices come back. You can feel it and you know that she hurts no more. The memorial for Patricia looks good as new plants and ground cover have been placed there. The yellow roses are budding and I know that they will look great this year. As I leave the cemetary today, I remember that little girl who was and is loved by myself, Ramona & Deborah.

December 10, 2006 In a few days it will be 12 years since the day that Patty got the call HOME. The years go by fast even though there is a thought of Patty each second of each minute of each day. We can sit watching television and one of us will say to the other that we miss her very much. Life goes on with the thoughts of Patty embedded in our hearts and our lives. We have adjusted our lives without her but inside, she is still with us. Closure when you lose someone you love very much, never comes but adjustment takes over. You can't go through life after losing a child with depression taking over. You have to take each day one at a time and you have to live it the same way. We know that we will one day be re-united with her, and so we adjust but never close the path. We love you Patty.

June 22,2007

Today would of been Patty's 12th birthday. Being a leap year baby, she only had a bithday every 4 years. She was born 48 years ago and it seems like only yesterday. Peace be with you my child. we here at home miss you very much. We will see you soon. Dad

July 8, 2008

It's been several months since I have made an entry here but we have been at our regular visits to her gravesite and there has been some work done on her memorial that sits just inside the 2 gates. There is a place to sit and there are 2 large urns filled with flowers. Also there were new roses put in the ground and several new plants put there too. It looks nice and it will be a little easier to maintain. We planted floweres in the ground next to her grave and they look nice too. It has been getting easier to accept her passing because we know where she is and that is with Our Father Above.

December 14, 2008
Today, it has been 14 years since Patty was called HOME. We can look back once in a while and laugh at some of the things we did with her and Debbie. But also we still have times of loss as we have never been able to release her from our minds. I know that one day, we will wake up and find that she left a wonderful mark in our being. We will always try to maintain her memorial at the cemetary, because it will be her way of telling others to never give up her fight against cancer. One day will come when we get the chance to pass into her new world in Heaven. Until that time, we remember Patty as she was and how we think she would of been if she had lived. We sure do miss her and always will. Love you kid.

---

February 28, 2009. Patty’s birthday does not come up this year since she was a leap year baby. Therefore, we always picked this day to observe it 3 years out of four. It is a cold day today with the wetness of the rains still here. I went to her gravesite, said my usual hello, and then to the memorial there between the two gates entering the cemetery. It will not be long before we start seeing life in the two trees there and the big vase pots will be ready to put plants in them. The roses probably will have some good size blooms on them this year. It just seems like yesterday when Patty asked me how she would die. I know the answer that I gave her put her at ease and she wasn’t scared to take the trip HOME. God has a plan for each of us and Patty did ok while she was here. We all are on loan from our Creator to do our part of HIS plan while here. It does not make it any easier for us though and our memories of a young lady named Patricia lies deep in our hearts. Save a place for me Patty, as I know you have a good seat to view us while we are still here. Love you kid.

February 23, 2012
It has been a while since I last wrote down some thoughts about Patty. The memories of the 34 years that we had her with us, are still very vivid in our memory and we are many times seeing something that reminds us of some things Patty did a a child. I still wake up after 17 years and think that I had just had a bad dream, but then I think to myself that it did happen and she is with God now. We cry a lot but not for too long each time, because we know that we have to go on with our lives in the best way possible, because she hurts no more. We are content having fond memories of our little girl who left the "Floor Of Angels" to be one

April 23, 2014
 
It was time to vent myself and write down my thoughts about our little girl who rests now in eternal peace with GOD. It has been a rough time this year as I found out that cancer had started it's fight with me. So it is time for me to take up Patty's fight against this terrible disease  and join with others who are fighting it. Losing a child is worst than losing your own life as it takes a large chunk of your life with it. We will go to the gravesite this year, and put some flowers on it and go dress up the memorial to her just inside the gates. We will survive as long as we have blood running through our bodies. We still miss her very much.
Ray Day, Patricia's Daddy.